Life begins at 40?

Blogmum's better now, the virus stuck around, to be replaced by a cold and finally a period.

That was one thing we weren't expecting to be looking forward to but it was a great relief to know Blogmum's body was returning to normality.

So that's the physical side.

As for the aftermath of having gone through a Missed Miscarriage, that's going to be around a while, if not forever, in some shape or form.

Sound melodramatic? It is in a way, since experiencing what happened we have learned its not uncommon, it doesn't dictate future chances and it is entirely likely that what happened was "one of those things".

But still...

If I was a little unprepared for the pregnancy I was completely caught off guard by the events of the Nuchal Scan and what followed, even if we did have an inkling something was wrong.

Its hard to believe it is now approaching two months since we discovered the news there wasn't going to be a successful pregnancy and while there has been plenty to occupy us both in the interim its been a tricky time.

Coming up next - family and friends for my 40th birthday at the weekend.

After the Missed Miscarriage

Blogmum has an infection following the Missed miscarriage.

She underwent the ERPC (Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception) operation on Monday and rather than recovering found herself in greater pain as the week went on.

This led to a visit to the doctor's yesterday and the discovery that she has an infection.

More rest and more antibiotics have been prescribed.

I returned to work on Wednesday as Blogmum's mum took over the 9-5 carer responsibilities.

I've told people I've had "personal problems" and, to its credit, the company is accommodating to such vague descriptions if used sparingly.

But its odd that people I spend eight hours a day five days a week with are oblivious to the events of the past few months.

Swings and roundabouts. Blogmum thinks it through/dwells on it at home, I postpone thinking/occupy my mind with the world of work.

Either way, the working week is done and we have the first opportunity for life to return to normal, or had, given blogmum finds her mobility restricted with the pain of the infection.

The Missed Miscarriage

It started with a few drops of blood.

Blogmum paged the midwife, the midwife phoned back and everything, she told us, the books told us, the Internet told us, said things were going to be OK.

But as the blood continued and concern ran contrary to the reassurance we'd be given we moved the Nuchal Scan forwards and made the trip to the doctor's surgery.

He welcomed us, gel was rubbed on Blogmum's stomach and the scan revealed... nothing.

It went on longer than we expected. The doctor said he would conduct a vaginal scan and while Blogmum was out of the room following instructions to empty her bladder, the doctor looked at me and told me sometimes there were "difficulties".

The hope was extinguished and as Blogmum came back in the room I was torn between trying not to let my face reveal the news I knew and thinking it was better simply to say: "It's over".

The examination revealed a five week/six week-sized sac which pointed to either a huge miscalculation or a foetus which had simply ceased to be, while still fooling Blogmum's body into thinking it should prepare for a birth - a Missed Miscarriage.

A further scan yesterday revealed it was the latter, and though that was plenty to take in, we had a choice which needed addressing.

We could either allow "nature to take its course" or Blogmum could undergo an ERPC - an Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception procedure.

We were told the ERPC could be performed at Day Surgery (i.e. no need for an overnight stay), required a general anaesthetic and carried the risks associated with any surgery in addition to possible damage inside.

However, the alternative was not simply to just sit it out and wait. Waiting for nature to "take its course" didn't simply mean postponing something it would be less unpleasant to deal with sooner, it also carried increased risk of infection.

We drove to the hospital and, after alternately form-filling and waiting, Blogmum underwent the ERPC.

As far as something like this can do it seems to have gone well, and now she is lying on the sofa, with me working from home and helping her up and downstairs, and answering calls for food and drink.

It's been quite a week.

Change of plans. We’re going for the Nuchal Scan tomorrow, which also happens to be Blogmum-to-be's birthday (Happy birthday Wife #1!)

Touchwood, the scan should reveal Cheesey Weazle is a healthy, whole, person-to-be.

After three months of secrecy and phoney war - aka mum's the word - we finally reach the moment which has determined the need for the cloak and dagger behaviour and which has seen baby books swept up and hidden from the eyes of visitors.

After that we’ll be expecting to see a bump (blog-mum-to-be is keeping her part of the subterfuge very well indeed) and spreading the circle of those who know to sibling and close friends.

The grand-mums-to-be are also itching to tell people while a world of shopping is waiting in the wings to try and prise the cash for maternitywear and baby accessories from our hands.

Excited/Nervous anticipation reigns in the blogdad house.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

It'll certainly make a great present for blog mum-to-be if all is well.

Fingers crossed.

Life begins at 40

I was reading an article called First Time Dad Over 40 on Discovering Dad and realised that, like the poster, Sean Sharp, I would be in my fifth decade when I become a dad for the first time.

It seems likely that I may fall into a category of men called Older Fathers.

I liked Sean's view that being an "Older Dad" can be a good thing, and like him I've got some of the things I'd like to do in life "out of the way" which means maybe I'll be a little less focussed on stuff I want to do and a little more focussed on Cheesey Weazle.

That made sense. I think I'm more happy at the prospect of impending fatherhood than I would have been at any point in the past.

And the fact the pregnancy was planned goes a long way to backing that up.

I also think there must be some advantages to being an older dad in terms of maturity and life experience.

The flipside is of course that younger dads are better equipped with fitness, energy and erm... hair than they are when the birthdays cost more in wax than they do in cake.

And if you read some of the slightly more depressing reports the chances of conception and the prospects of "complications" respectively decrease and increase with age.

Well, at least I've got one of them out of the way!

And it only takes a look at some of the randy old goats, erm, old guys who have fathered perfectly healthy children, and looked back on their fortieth year as a dim memory, to half fill the glass rather than half empty it.

In the spirit of optimism which the exploits of 89-year-old Julio Iglesias Senior have left me with I'll focus on the wise, experienced father side of the coin rather than the trailing-the-rest-of-the-field-on-sports-day father which occupies the tails-side.

The Nuchal Scan - the first big scan

Mum-to-be and dad-to-be have got nine days to wait until the first big test of the pregnancy: the Nuchal Translucency scan.

Up until now it's been a phoney war: a period when something's started but not much has happened.

Mum-to-be's symptoms: tiredness, nausea, going off pasta, not knowing where stuff is any more, a tendency to cry more at fims. Nothing visual though - no sign of Mr Bump as yet.

I've read books like this:



looked up resources on the Internet, like this:



and stumbled my way to other dad blogs, many of which, like mine, are on the Blog Catalog listing for Dad Blogs.

We've told both sets of parents, had a first meeting with the midwife and made a few decisions including where mum-to-be would like to give birth.

But now we've got the first really significant date approaching: The Nuchal Scan - or to give it its full name the Nuchal Translucency Scan. So I thought I'd better be a good dad-to-be and do my homework...

Seven things to know about a Nuchal Translucency Scan

1. A Nuchal Scan is a kind of ultrasound scan. An ultrasound scan uses (you guessed it) soundwaves, to produce an image which gives certain indications about the baby.

2. The scan reveals how many babies are in there, that she/he/they have heartbeats - and whether he/she/they are in the womb or not i.e. whether it is an ectopic pregnancy occurring outside the womb.

3. It also gives an accurate due date and the size of the baby/babies.

4. It won't reveal the baby's gender - that is possible from around 18 weeks .

5. Nuchal Translucency is the name given to a collection of fluid at the back of a baby's neck which will be a black area on the scan. The width of this area enables a prediction to be made as to the likelihood of the child having Down's Syndrome.

6. The risk of the child suffering from Down's Syndrome is expressed as a chance with Low Risk being odds of 1:300 or longer and High Risk being odds shorter than 1:300

7. This is only an estimate of the liklihood of the child having Down's Syndrome. Parents concerned by a high probability may want to consider a diagnostic test (such as amniocenteses) which will give a definite answer but carries a small risk of miscarriage.

I checked out a great web resources to put this together. Baby Centre proves a great mine of information again while mumsnet is very useful. So many people use their messageboards that the chance of someone having asked the same question is pretty high. dad.info has great resources on scans and what to expect. (I also signed up to their dad.info emails - which I'd recommend).

Pasta's off the menu - "the anti-craving"

When mum-to-be got hit by the first trimester wave of tiredness it was probably a relief she didn't have to worry about cooking a meal.

I became house chef by default around two years ago as the first one home after work.

And over the last couple of years it is a role I have enjoyed. OK, so there is a little mundanity after the first honeymoon period of being at the hob.

But doing the cooking duties full-time improved ability and generally I enjoy it.

Being a dad-to-be has raised a new challenge however - items disappearing from the menu.

Some of them are my fault, I'm a vegetarian, so when mum-to-be (who's not) wants to indulge in her taste for salmon and a few other meat and fish dishes she likes, it's when we're out for lunch or dinner.

However, now she's the one imposing the restrictions.

I must admit I was kind of curious to find out whether she'd develop any weird food cravings but so far it's been a case of subtraction rather than addition.

First off there's a big list of stuff mums-to-be aren't meant to eat (and dads to be aren't meant to cook for them)

And the main one to effect us is the soft and blue cheeses that have had to bite the dust, though raw seafood and undercooked meat (take care at barbecues) are also off the menu.

Here's some pregnancy diet information which goes into a bit more detail.

So, the downside: a few of our favourite dishes are off the menu for the next six or seven months. The good news? Well, that's obvious - and it requires a remarkably similar wait.

But then other stuff comes off the menu for no apparent reason - including this week's bombshell.

No more pasta. Blogmum's gone off it, at least for now, and bang goes half the cookbook in an example of unanticipated "anti-craving".

That leaves rice and potatoes as the main source of carbs.

And if one of them gets the boot we're in trouble... unless pasta might get a reprieve.

FOOD FIGHT!