blogdad

Life begins at 40?

2008-09-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

Blogmum's better now, the virus stuck around, to be replaced by a cold and finally a period.

That was one thing we weren't expecting to be looking forward to but it was a great relief to know Blogmum's body was returning to normality.

So that's the physical side.

As for the aftermath of having gone through a Missed Miscarriage, that's going to be around a while, if not forever, in some shape or form.

Sound melodramatic? It is in a way, since experiencing what happened we have learned its not uncommon, it doesn't dictate future chances and it is entirely likely that what happened was "one of those things".

But still...

If I was a little unprepared for the pregnancy I was completely caught off guard by the events of the Nuchal Scan and what followed, even if we did have an inkling something was wrong.

Its hard to believe it is now approaching two months since we discovered the news there wasn't going to be a successful pregnancy and while there has been plenty to occupy us both in the interim its been a tricky time.

Coming up next - family and friends for my 40th birthday at the weekend.

After the Missed Miscarriage

2008-08-09T01:52:00.000-07:00

Blogmum has an infection following the Missed miscarriage.

She underwent the ERPC (Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception) operation on Monday and rather than recovering found herself in greater pain as the week went on.

This led to a visit to the doctor's yesterday and the discovery that she has an infection.

More rest and more antibiotics have been prescribed.

I returned to work on Wednesday as Blogmum's mum took over the 9-5 carer responsibilities.

I've told people I've had "personal problems" and, to its credit, the company is accommodating to such vague descriptions if used sparingly.

But its odd that people I spend eight hours a day five days a week with are oblivious to the events of the past few months.

Swings and roundabouts. Blogmum thinks it through/dwells on it at home, I postpone thinking/occupy my mind with the world of work.

Either way, the working week is done and we have the first opportunity for life to return to normal, or had, given blogmum finds her mobility restricted with the pain of the infection.

The Missed Miscarriage

2008-08-05T02:32:00.000-07:00

It started with a few drops of blood.

Blogmum paged the midwife, the midwife phoned back and everything, she told us, the books told us, the Internet told us, said things were going to be OK.

But as the blood continued and concern ran contrary to the reassurance we'd be given we moved the Nuchal Scan forwards and made the trip to the doctor's surgery.

He welcomed us, gel was rubbed on Blogmum's stomach and the scan revealed... nothing.

It went on longer than we expected. The doctor said he would conduct a vaginal scan and while Blogmum was out of the room following instructions to empty her bladder, the doctor looked at me and told me sometimes there were "difficulties".

The hope was extinguished and as Blogmum came back in the room I was torn between trying not to let my face reveal the news I knew and thinking it was better simply to say: "It's over".

The examination revealed a five week/six week-sized sac which pointed to either a huge miscalculation or a foetus which had simply ceased to be, while still fooling Blogmum's body into thinking it should prepare for a birth - a Missed Miscarriage.

A further scan yesterday revealed it was the latter, and though that was plenty to take in, we had a choice which needed addressing.

We could either allow "nature to take its course" or Blogmum could undergo an ERPC - an Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception procedure.

We were told the ERPC could be performed at Day Surgery (i.e. no need for an overnight stay), required a general anaesthetic and carried the risks associated with any surgery in addition to possible damage inside.

However, the alternative was not simply to just sit it out and wait. Waiting for nature to "take its course" didn't simply mean postponing something it would be less unpleasant to deal with sooner, it also carried increased risk of infection.

We drove to the hospital and, after alternately form-filling and waiting, Blogmum underwent the ERPC.

As far as something like this can do it seems to have gone well, and now she is lying on the sofa, with me working from home and helping her up and downstairs, and answering calls for food and drink.

It's been quite a week.

2008-07-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

Change of plans. We’re going for the Nuchal Scan tomorrow, which also happens to be Blogmum-to-be's birthday (Happy birthday Wife #1!)

Touchwood, the scan should reveal Cheesey Weazle is a healthy, whole, person-to-be.

After three months of secrecy and phoney war - aka mum's the word - we finally reach the moment which has determined the need for the cloak and dagger behaviour and which has seen baby books swept up and hidden from the eyes of visitors.

After that we’ll be expecting to see a bump (blog-mum-to-be is keeping her part of the subterfuge very well indeed) and spreading the circle of those who know to sibling and close friends.

The grand-mums-to-be are also itching to tell people while a world of shopping is waiting in the wings to try and prise the cash for maternitywear and baby accessories from our hands.

Excited/Nervous anticipation reigns in the blogdad house.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

It'll certainly make a great present for blog mum-to-be if all is well.

Fingers crossed.

Life begins at 40

2008-07-29T12:35:00.000-07:00

I was reading an article called First Time Dad Over 40 on Discovering Dad and realised that, like the poster, Sean Sharp, I would be in my fifth decade when I become a dad for the first time.

It seems likely that I may fall into a category of men called Older Fathers.

I liked Sean's view that being an "Older Dad" can be a good thing, and like him I've got some of the things I'd like to do in life "out of the way" which means maybe I'll be a little less focussed on stuff I want to do and a little more focussed on Cheesey Weazle.

That made sense. I think I'm more happy at the prospect of impending fatherhood than I would have been at any point in the past.

And the fact the pregnancy was planned goes a long way to backing that up.

I also think there must be some advantages to being an older dad in terms of maturity and life experience.

The flipside is of course that younger dads are better equipped with fitness, energy and erm... hair than they are when the birthdays cost more in wax than they do in cake.

And if you read some of the slightly more depressing reports the chances of conception and the prospects of "complications" respectively decrease and increase with age.

Well, at least I've got one of them out of the way!

And it only takes a look at some of the randy old goats, erm, old guys who have fathered perfectly healthy children, and looked back on their fortieth year as a dim memory, to half fill the glass rather than half empty it.

In the spirit of optimism which the exploits of 89-year-old Julio Iglesias Senior have left me with I'll focus on the wise, experienced father side of the coin rather than the trailing-the-rest-of-the-field-on-sports-day father which occupies the tails-side.

The Nuchal Scan - the first big scan

2008-07-27T04:13:00.000-07:00

Mum-to-be and dad-to-be have got nine days to wait until the first big test of the pregnancy: the Nuchal Translucency scan.

Up until now it's been a phoney war: a period when something's started but not much has happened.

Mum-to-be's symptoms: tiredness, nausea, going off pasta, not knowing where stuff is any more, a tendency to cry more at fims. Nothing visual though - no sign of Mr Bump as yet.

I've read books like this:

looked up resources on the Internet, like this:

and stumbled my way to other dad blogs, many of which, like mine, are on the Blog Catalog listing for Dad Blogs.

We've told both sets of parents, had a first meeting with the midwife and made a few decisions including where mum-to-be would like to give birth.

But now we've got the first really significant date approaching: The Nuchal Scan - or to give it its full name the Nuchal Translucency Scan. So I thought I'd better be a good dad-to-be and do my homework...

Seven things to know about a Nuchal Translucency Scan

1. A Nuchal Scan is a kind of ultrasound scan. An ultrasound scan uses (you guessed it) soundwaves, to produce an image which gives certain indications about the baby.

2. The scan reveals how many babies are in there, that she/he/they have heartbeats - and whether he/she/they are in the womb or not i.e. whether it is an ectopic pregnancy occurring outside the womb.

3. It also gives an accurate due date and the size of the baby/babies.

4. It won't reveal the baby's gender - that is possible from around 18 weeks .

5. Nuchal Translucency is the name given to a collection of fluid at the back of a baby's neck which will be a black area on the scan. The width of this area enables a prediction to be made as to the likelihood of the child having Down's Syndrome.

6. The risk of the child suffering from Down's Syndrome is expressed as a chance with Low Risk being odds of 1:300 or longer and High Risk being odds shorter than 1:300

7. This is only an estimate of the liklihood of the child having Down's Syndrome. Parents concerned by a high probability may want to consider a diagnostic test (such as amniocenteses) which will give a definite answer but carries a small risk of miscarriage.

I checked out a great web resources to put this together. Baby Centre proves a great mine of information again while mumsnet is very useful. So many people use their messageboards that the chance of someone having asked the same question is pretty high. dad.info has great resources on scans and what to expect. (I also signed up to their dad.info emails - which I'd recommend).

Pasta's off the menu - "the anti-craving"

2008-07-23T14:59:00.000-07:00

When mum-to-be got hit by the first trimester wave of tiredness it was probably a relief she didn't have to worry about cooking a meal.

I became house chef by default around two years ago as the first one home after work.

And over the last couple of years it is a role I have enjoyed. OK, so there is a little mundanity after the first honeymoon period of being at the hob.

But doing the cooking duties full-time improved ability and generally I enjoy it.

Being a dad-to-be has raised a new challenge however - items disappearing from the menu.

Some of them are my fault, I'm a vegetarian, so when mum-to-be (who's not) wants to indulge in her taste for salmon and a few other meat and fish dishes she likes, it's when we're out for lunch or dinner.

However, now she's the one imposing the restrictions.

I must admit I was kind of curious to find out whether she'd develop any weird food cravings but so far it's been a case of subtraction rather than addition.

First off there's a big list of stuff mums-to-be aren't meant to eat (and dads to be aren't meant to cook for them)

And the main one to effect us is the soft and blue cheeses that have had to bite the dust, though raw seafood and undercooked meat (take care at barbecues) are also off the menu.

Here's some pregnancy diet information which goes into a bit more detail.

So, the downside: a few of our favourite dishes are off the menu for the next six or seven months. The good news? Well, that's obvious - and it requires a remarkably similar wait.

But then other stuff comes off the menu for no apparent reason - including this week's bombshell.

No more pasta. Blogmum's gone off it, at least for now, and bang goes half the cookbook in an example of unanticipated "anti-craving".

That leaves rice and potatoes as the main source of carbs.

And if one of them gets the boot we're in trouble... unless pasta might get a reprieve.

FOOD FIGHT!

Run, Dad, Run

2008-07-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

I've stepped up the exercise regime in my pursuit of a body which will not cause embarrasment to Cheesey Weasle, child-to-be of Blogdad-to-be.

Earlier this month I wrote fit for fatherhood to express my bewilderment at an unexpected desire to reduce my mass.

Now I have decided to expose the world to the sight of blogdad emerging from his front door in shorts, a vest and his first adult pair of trainers.

(...and a second, perhaps greater, distress at seeing my return twenty minutes later: red, sweaty and unsteady following a 1.8km stumble/run to the park and back.)

The Wii Fit must share some of the blame/credit for this development having developed my ability to run on the spot while circling a virtual circuit for half an hour (apparently covering 9k in 30 minutes).

The pleasure of this achievement has finally been diminished to vanishing point by the pain of performing this daily feat barefoot on my wooden floor, and resulted in a trip to the unfamiliar surroundings of "the trainer shop".

The learning curve on the path is shockingly steep and today I discovered the folly of setting my iPod Touch songs to shuffle after the momentum raised by Alien Ant Farm's Smooth Criminal collapsed when followed by Beatles' ballad In My Life.

All this likely seems obvious to the most casual athlete but given I thought exercise went by the names "Games" or "PE" for 39 years, this is all new to me.

So, a "running playlist" beckons. Any suggestions what I should listen to when I'm stepping out?

Pre-birth names, womb names, fetal names... and Cheesey Weasle

2008-07-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

There, I've learned three new descriptions with the phrases above.

They all add up to the same thing, the name dad-to-be and/or mum-to-be give their child before it makes a break for it and joins them in the outside world.

For the first few weeks Project X was our pre-birth name of choice.

This enabled blogmum-to-be to discuss the new arrival on the work phone, but wasn't necessarrily the most emotive name for the new family member we were looking forward to meeting.

And then it became Cheesey Weasle. I don't know why, but the name has stuck. Pre-scan, pre-knowing what-gender-he/she-is our first child is currently the Cheesiest of Weasles.

Are we mad? Are we alone? Mad, maybe. Alone? Of course not, this is the Internet age where finding a two-word url.com up for grabs is a miracle.

mumsnet has a whole thread on pre-birth names on its forum. I like the people surnamed Cooper who nicknamed their future offspring Mini. Nice.

Bean tends to be a favourite for size and shape comparison reasons. Parent Dish has an article on nicknames-for-the-not-yet-born.

Daddy Types' Fetal Names article has a whole list, and like one of the posters I'd say Skeletor is a definite contender.

Still, I guess I'm biased already, but I'm taking a shine to Cheezey Weazle - the Special AKA

Choosing where to have the baby

2008-07-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

Living in the UK we have three choices when it comes to choosing where to have a baby.

The maternity unit, at the local hospital

The local midwife unit (which might be at the local hospital)

Home

You may know exactly which delivery service will suit you.

Or, like me, you may know little more than the words "Hot water! Towels!" should be shouted urgently by someone wearing white.

So how to choose? Well, National Health Service Choices provides in-depth guides to each service as well as providing a search form which reveals the proximity of non-home birthing choices.

We are lucky enough to live less than a mile from our local hospital and when blogmum-to-be reached seven weeks we rolled up for the twice-weekly tour of the Maternity Unit, along with a clutch of other expectant couples.

Each were visibly at different stages on the path to parenthood, some, like us, were bumpless while others looked like they thought they might as well kill two birds with one stone and stick around for the birth.

The midwife who showed us the two birthing pools and regular delivery suites was welcoming, but distracted, clearly keen to get back to more pressing duties. We realised availability of birthing pools would be down to demand - the midwife also indicated it would depend on how busy she and her colleagues were as to whether they would be open at all.

We liked the idea of the birthing pools (they are considered a more natural and less stressful means of giving birth) but were concerned the laws of chance and NHS staffing levels would have the final say. The latter would also reduce the chances of building up a rapport with a specific midwife.

However, attached to the hospital was a fourth option: a private midwife service complete with birthing pools, bringing the benefits of a more personal approach and a fully-equipped hospital on the doorstep.

The cost wasn't cheap but we decided that of all the things we could be and had been spending money on: home improvements, holidays, going out; none really compared to improving the chances of a trouble-free birth for mother and baby.

In addition to visiting the potential birth locations we also researched Birth Choice UK maternity statistics and took a look at the mumsnet forums which featured mums views on all the locations we were considering. And the combination of statistics and views supported our decision.

The midwife who welcomed us to the private midwife facility and spent two hours patiently showing ourselves and two other couples around, came to visit us this week and, I'm glad to say, produced the desired effect immediately - she made blogmum-to-be feel special, and if that's the way things are going to go we'll know the expense will have been worth it.

Choosing a name for the baby

2008-07-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

So you've decided you like someone a lot, enough to live with them, make all kinds of promises in a big pointy building and grow someone inside them.

You must have a lot in common. But does that stretch to the same taste in names?

Blogmum-to-be and I have talked a lot about names, had a few "in waiting" years before we wanted to use one, and today began the process of casting the net wider (and chucking back a few of the tiddlers).

We started by following the process put foward in the book 100,000+ Baby Names

This involved shortlisting some we liked and scoring them on 12 categories: spelling, pronounciation, sound, last name, gender clarity, nicknames, popularity, uniqueness, impression, namesakes, initials and meaning.

And we've got a few contenders which we're considering, though knowing the baby's gender should cut around half of them out of the running.

In the meantime... maybe the web can help.

1. Choose the first letter of the baby's name and then select a category. Want a Shakespearean name beginning with T? Theseus, Timon, Toby Trinculo and Tybalt - any good to you? Well that's what the Baby World Baby Names generator came up with.

2. Choose a baby name based on its meaning. Same site different tool. (no results for "mad", "grumpy" or "weird" to save you looking).

3. Choose a baby name based on your name. The Baby Name Predictor does just that. Apparently my baby's going to be called Rio. (I'll let you know.)

4. Choose a baby name to suit your surname. (Strike Rio. It's Omar now)

5. Choose a completely random baby name. I like it. The ultimate in lazy. (Strike Omar. It's Plat now)

6. Choose a showbiz baby name. (Strike Plat. My kid's now going to be Prune Unit)

7. Choose a first name and a middle name for your baby. That's MORE lazy! Forget the politics of remembering to name it after her favourite aunty. Get the whole job done in one go. Bosh. (Strike Plat. It's, erm he apparently, is now going to be called Glenn Lane)

8. Choose a baby name and three middle names in one go. Oh yes, it can be done. (Strike Glenn Lane. We've got Alpha Alix Morgan Sydney in there now).

9. Choose a baby name scientifically. Don't trust name generators. Take Chris Hemedinger's approach and do it yourself. Its hard work - but it worked for him

Meet the Parents

2008-07-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight blogdads' parents find out their son is a dad-to-be, their daughter-in-law is a mum-to-be and they are grandparents-to-be.

I've toyed with starting dinner with a toast: "To the Five of us!" or maybe even showing them the shiny new blog I have been writing, but as with most personally momentous occasions, just telling them might be the best plan.

Its not something which has been discussed much previously other than our having said it was something we were hoping for "in the future" (as opposed to?)

Given I'm 39, married three years (yesterday - happy anniversary blogmum) and have indicated the desire to bring future blogdads into the world it shouldn't come as too much of a shock.

It'll be nice to extend the group of "those who know" before the time when biology takes the lead in communicating the message.

Here's how some people have told their parents they were pregnant

And we need to ask some questions about my birth history: weight, length of labour etc...

Here's how some other people told their parents they were pregnant

We haven't hit 12 weeks yet, which is traditionally when a lot of people make the announcements (the risk of miscarriage is much reduced after that date).

But with my parents living more than 200 miles away face-to-face options as to when to tell them are limited.

Anyway, they'll know by the time they come to read this (the blog name should be a bit of a giveaway) so it only remains to say: CONGRATULATIONS GRANDMA AND GRANDPA!

dad blogs on blog catalog

2008-07-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

I've added my dad blog to blogger social network blog catalog.

It was quick and easy and now my blog appears alongside 142 more dad blogs.

My blog catalog homepage features a related blogs section which provides a shallow-end entry into the online world of other dads and expectant dads who have decided to record and share their fathering experience.

Entertaining blog Dad Thing heads my list, its author Jared posting regularly, and at length about his son Ace. (His post 51 Dad Blogs is a great way to stumble into many of the dad blogs out there).

I enjoyed LA-based Creative-Type Dad's blog about his three-year-old which comes in second on the list.

US-based Dr Moz blog is a blog attached to the Dr Moz shop site which specializes in a range of dad products called The Goodfather.

The fourth, Discovering Dad a packed site run by Jeremy Biser, carries a detailed history behind its creation, which is a good place to start.

And that's just four dad blogs - its looking like there's lots of interesting dad content out there, you just have to put a little work into finding it.

Mum's the word

2008-07-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

Depending on your relationship with the mother, finding out you're a dad to be usually happens after the first missed period, four weeks into the pregnancy.

It partly depends on whether the preganancy is planned (mum-to-be is more likely to have a preganancy test to hand, be inclined to use it and be ready to accept the results if its something you're aiming for).

People's ability to keep secrets vary enormously, but even those who effortlessly stay tight-lipped after receiving grade A gossip find keeping schtum about a child, especially a first one, tough going. Well, we are.

Experts advise waiting until the twelfth week of pregnancy before sharing the news, after which time the main risk of miscarriage has passed. Though we are informing parents before then (Why? Well, I thought blog-mum-to-be could use some support beyond that which I could offer, even more so should things not work out.)

Telling friends and colleagues is still a little way off, so tomorrow's first meeting with the midwife will be a rare opportunity to discuss blogbaby-to-be freely, something we're both looking forward to.

It will also be a big step in underlining this whole baby thing is really happening.

Blog-mum-to-be is getting daily physical reminders in the form of nausea, and a now tightening waistband.

But, other than sympathising with her discomfort, my main reminders consist of remembering to avoid certain foods when I'm planning our meals.

We've also got some decisions coming up with the 12-week scan only a fortnight away, and then we'll be in the second trimester when we won't need to tell people blog-mum-to-be is pregnant - they'll be able to see for themselves.

But until then, it's oh so quiet. Shhh. Shhhh.

Expectant Dad Gifts

2008-07-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

So, what do you give the expectant father who's got everything?

(Well, everything except the obvious, and that's on its way)

Here're a few ideas to reward those hard-working dads-to-be for their efforts thusfar...

Want to declare your role in the reproduction? Then you could let a t-shirt that says "Without me there would be no bump - baby under manufacturing process" do the work for you.

Another US website, the wittily-named And Daddy Makes 3 lets you achieve the same goal a little more discreetly.

Don't want to declare impending fatherhood all over your chest? Try the Expect ant Father 1st Timer gift pin (or badge, depending which side of the Atlantic you live on).

The same site also supplies Rookie Dad '08 baseball caps (hmm, I'm going to have to wait for next year's batch), a set of three trimester bookmarks, each with "tips at a glance for guys" and the paterni-tee shirt

There's the Expectant Father Weenie Warmer (oh yes) from the Goofy Giftshop and just in case your partner needs a little reassurance you could slip on the I Love My Pregnant Wife t-shirt from zazzle.com

Pretty much everything else was kind of practical with books and bags hogging the limelight. Not that those won't be needed:

I've already got two book recommendations: They F*** You Up by Oliver James and Fatherhood by Marcus Berkmann and I'll be taking a look at the more practical "gifts" soon.

Those funny fellas from dadlabs.com asked a few men what they'd like to get as a gift and a few women, what they would like their partners to receive.

Here's the video (You can put me down for a bottle of aged, dark rum)

I'll take a look at gifts for expectant mums soon too (aka how to get a shedload of brownie-points).

New dad website and dad videos. Hooray!

2008-07-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

blogdad has discovered some help for dads-to-be and dads on the Internet! Up 'til now its been clear that most of the Web's resources regarding babies are there to support blog-mums-to-be.

Fair enough, they should get plenty of support. But expectant dads need a hand too and my search for "dads" has led me to dad.info. It says:

"We're here to get information to dads, so that they can get the best for their kids. The information and services available for 'parents' are usually aimed at mums and, as we’ve found ourselves, it’s all too easy for dads and dads-to-be to end up feeling sidelined.

"We're a new company set up to change that – to give dads a free and permanent source of the information they're likely to need - from pregnancy, birth and babies to financial, legal and education info - from a dad's perspective. A new home for dads on the web."

Sounds good eh? And the website has plenty of decent articles which go beyond a few platitudes informing blog-dads-to-be they'll need to pack a bag in about nine months time and put up with their partner being a bit on the grumpy side.

(Oh, and by the way, you did know someone else was going to be moving in too didn't you?)

The site is associated with government think tank The Fatherhood Institute and and there is plenty of useful information work, money, education, health etc... as well as fluffier stuff like kids' films dads can enjoy too.

And while it is being promoted through local maternity units the people behind it aren't government-funded.

They also feature videos from dadlabs.com - another good find. I like this six-and-a-half minute clip on good books for dads and dads-to-be.

I've added the RSS feeds for dad.info and dadlabs.com on the right of the blogdad blog. I'd say that's a good day's hunting!

Fit for fatherhood

2008-07-09T13:50:00.000-07:00

Friends of blogdad long ago discovered their bodies couldn't deliver the level of performance they had effortlessly supplied in their prime.

This was not a problem for me. I was never fit: I could run a bath, leap before I looked, jump a car and skip school. But any non-metaphorical activity passed me by (other than a three-year martial arts spell which now amazes me).

My unwelcoming attitude to exercise has partially been prompted by its insistence on being accompanied by nausea: (a particularly vigorous swimming session could have ended in tears, a curcuit training exercise at school likely did for the unfortunate PE teacher who'd dismissed my warnings of biological repurcussions.)

Wii Fit advert...

But now I'm a father-to-be I'm getting up in the morning and exercising. On face value this is down to coincidental aquisition of the Wii Fit and its identification that my body mass index qualified me for the category "Overweight" - an accolade only sought by the obese.

Wii Fit parody...

However, I think the realisation that I'm going to have to carry something heavy around for a few years (not inside me admittedly) and the desire to skirt the "fat dad" tag have played a role here too.

So my new "regime" involves running on the spot, virtual hula hooping and pretend step classes.

Is an unprecedented desire for fitness the male equivalent of nest-building? I thought it might be, so I Googled it.

The ubiquitous search engine returned few results and suggested I might have meant to search "had it". There was Fathers.com (which reckons its a good idea) but not too much else.

On the bright side should I be unsuccessful in converting my keg to a six-pack at least I won't be responsible for making blogbaby fat - but like me, it'll be looking up to blog-mum-to-be.

This be the blogdad

2008-07-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

Being a mum-to-be apparently brings out the nest-building instinct with pregnant women driven to decorate, tidy etc... when they get past the exhaustion of the first trimester (the first three months of the pregnancy).

So what about the fellas? Well, from what I've read it principally involves learning how to pack a bag for the trip to hospital. (All together now: "PEN! PAPER! WATCH!")

Otherwise preparation seems dominated by bracing oneself for the loss of sleep, independence, liberty, a partner who will pay us any attention, looks and the will to live. Hey ho.

This seemed an appropriate time to make a significant dent in clinical psycholgist Oliver James' book They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life(even with the asterisks it is still a book one is inclined to rest face-down).

Anyone familiar with the Philip Larkin poem This Be The Verse will identify the title's origins as one of the Twentieth Century's best-known poems, and the book provides weighty therories with a sprinkling of celebrity case studies to promote the view that the actions of both parents (but especially the primary carer: usually the mother), especially in the first three years, can make all the difference between, well, F***ing someone up and pushing them forward in life resilient and intact.

The case studies are diverse: from the Queen to Woody Allen, from Paula Yates to Frank Williams - and all are interesting, though not as stimulating and thought-provoking as the "evidence" itself.

(Slight detour: here's a memorable scene from Woody Allen's classic movie Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex)

...and here's an extract from They F*** You Up. See what you think.

Agree with its arguments for nurture over nature or not, it makes interesting reading for any fathers-to-be or mothers-to be.

And here's the second detour. Oliver James also happens to be the title of a Fleet Foxes song. Blogmum-to-be likes it. Here it is...

...and, to file, under things I've learned: I'm at risk of growing a beard.

The search for great dad-to-be websites

2008-07-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

I've been hitting Google, alternating the words dad, dad-to-be, expectant father, parenting advice and progress is slow.

But it did take me to US-based website Brand New Dad and I've registered for the forum.

The clincher was the inappropriate delivery suite music thread.

Oh and I found this ticker which many of the users had cut and pasted from mum-centric site baby-gaga.com

The BBC's Parenting Advice for Dads starts with a section on how you can feel more involved. The rest of the categories are balancing work and home life, taking your baby home, separated dads and fathers' rights. Keeping it real then.

I've also found out:

I might have funny dreams (possibly a bit cheeky)

My wife might have funny dreams (possibly a bit cheeky)

(That's from the useful and well-laid mum-centric babycentre.)

But the search would be quicker without the detours: one of which took me to a great scene from US TV show Married with Children.

Anti-hero Al Bundy sings along to the theme tune of his favourite programme - Psycho Dad.

What's not to sing along with?

Welcome to Blogdad

2008-07-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

This blog name is a misnomer. I am blogdad-to be and am not due to become blog dad for another 226 days. February 14 2009. That sounds like a long time. It's got that nice science fiction ring to it. It sounds like its almost the kind of year Arthur C Clarke would have written a book about, changed his mind and decided to simply shift the first two digits of his first book instead.

There are 226 days before child. That's a year of cloudy days in Seattle lined up end to end, or about seven months, which just happens to be the title of a Portishead song.

So Valentine's Day will have a bit of a kick this year, or maybe not, as only five per cent of mothers deliver on their due date. But February looks like a winner with most births happening a week either side of the due date

This was one of the first things we figured out after we figured out my wife was pregnant. It gives it a date, makes it more real.

One of the first things I found out after that was resources for dads-to-be, or blogdads-to-be, were a bit thin on the ground, at least in comparison to that available to mums-to-be and blogmums-to-be.

In the words of the great Bill Hicks' redneck, when it comes to me and consuming information: "We got ourselves a reader!"

- so I tried to read something, and something written for someone in my particular situation preferably: i.e. father-to-be.

Things got off to a good start with Marcus Berkmann's book Fatherhood but its hit a bit of a wall since.

So Fatherhood, the pursuit of knowledge, and a few detours is what this blog is going to be about. Here goes.

2008-07-01T16:10:00.000-07:00